Wednesday, August 01, 2012

Climate Zork

Scott Eric Kaufman at acephalous has perfected the game of Zork as an expression of the travails of life on the net.  The best of his scripts IEHO is DISBELIEF.  Zork is absolutely the perfect game to describe the adventures of the last few days which Eli has attempted below with many borrowings from Scott.  Oh yes, beware the grue.  In the spirit of such games, readers are invited to submit continuations of the story to bring it up to date.

Copyright (c) 1980, 1982, 1983, 2006 Rabett, Inc.  CLIMATE ZORK! is a registered trademark of Rabett, Inc.
Revision 28 / Serial number 55153379
West of Office Building

You are standing in an open field west of a white office building, with a boarded front door.  There is a small mailbox here.

> e

You are standing in an open field west of a white office building, with a boarded front door.  There is a small mailbox here.

> go inside

It is such a beautiful day out.  Why not explore awhile?

> I have to write a game changing paper

The paper will be nonsense and you will be a laughing stock 

> open mailbox

You have mail 

> open mail

This is a computer game and it's an email box

> turn on blackberry

This game no longer supports that device

> throw blackberry into the garbage can

There is no garbage can

> eat blackberry

Delicious

> Turn on iPod

The tunes of Guy Lombardo and the Royal Canadians  fill the air 

> Turn off iPod

The neighbors thank you

> Turn on iPad

That's better

> Read first email header

FROM: Pielke, Roger, Sr.
SENT: Wednesday, July 25, 2012 7:59 AM
TO: Anthony Watts
SUBJECT:  Game changing paper

> Sent from?

Sorry privacy rules forbid revealing that information. 

> Read email

Tony,

Get to work on the game changing paper I told you to write.  Menne, delanda est.  John Christy and Steve McIntyre have been detailed to help you.  Shut your blog down until it is done

> Computers speak Latin?

Chris taught me

> My blog is the worlds most viewed site on global warming

You have your orders

> What will my readers think?

Most don't

> Well a few do

Email was sent to both of them

>   Think of the disappointment?

The net will go wild with speculation.

> Anything I write will get shot down in a day

You will own the news cycle.

> Enter office

It's boarded up

> Stop crap moaning. Go inside and write

You reluctantly return to the white office complex and
The door is locked.  There is evidently no key.

> take key

I don't understand that.

> Pick up ax

I don't understand that.

> Kick in door

It is a steel door.  There is video surveillance.  Your rent doubled

> s

You are behind a white office building.  In one corner of the building there is a window which is slightly ajar.

> open window

With great effort, you open the window far enough to allow passage.

> climb in window

You are in the break room of the white office building.  A table seems to have been used recently for the preparation of food.  A passage leads to the west, and a dark staircase can be seen leading upward.  To the east is a small window which is open. On the table is an elongated brown sack, smelling of hot peppers. A clear glass bottle is here. The glass bottle contains: A quantity of water.

> open sack

Opening the brown sack reveals:

A clove of garlic.
A lunch.

> eat lunch

Taken.  Thank you very much.  It really hits the spot.

> w

You are an office.  A desk has recently been used to delete blog comments  A door leads to a closet.  To the east is a litter box which needs to be cleaned.  There is a day old brownie on the desk which smells of cat urine.  There is a Commodore 64 computer on the desk.  A web page is open in the Hyperlink 2.5e web browser

> read web page

Watts Up With That - The world's most viewed site on global warming and climate change

> I built that!

You didn't build the internet

> Open window to post

C'mon, it's a Commodore 64

> Open app for posting

Open

> Write

If you insist

> Something’s happened. From now until Sunday July 29th, around Noon PST, WUWT will be suspending publishing. At that time, there will be a major announcement that I’m sure will attract a broad global interest due to its controversial and unprecedented nature.

To give you an idea as to the magnitude of this event, I’m suspending my vacation plans. I weighed the issue, and decided (much to my dismay) this was more important. I can go on vacation trips another time, but this announcement is not something I can miss now and do later.

Media outlets be sure to check in to WUWT on Sunday around 12PM PST and check your emails.

If you wish to be automatically notified of the updates, click on the “Follow Blog via Email” button about midway down the right sidebar.

Comments are closed, and I will not be responding to emails until Sunday.

TO BE CONTINUED.  We all know what happened next, but Eli welcomes your contributions to Climate Zork.

27 comments:

Lars Karlsson said...

"A nasty-looking troll, brandishing a bloody axe, blocks all passages out of the room."

Sou said...

In committee, John Christy refers to mindblowing bombshelling 'paper' from Watts about some esoteric thermometers in the wild nether regions of somewhere vague. Is appropriately ignored from left, right and centre.

Sou said...

You are sitting behind a computer. You need to come up with a solid reason for not releasing code and data. Not even a little bit of data, like station identifiers or class.

It is not fair. You feel hemmed in. Even your allies have turned against you.

You want to get on with your next job of sending frivolous FOI requests to real scientists, but people keep interrupting, sending you emails asking for your data.

The irony of the situation is lost on you. You feel so tired and overwhelmed.

Russell said...

'Menne.' quod est ?

Ethan Vishniac said...

Menne = Mann

Anonymous said...

You notice paper on table.

>Publish paper.

To many errors.

>Promote paper with over-reaching conclusions.

Posted on WTFUWT.

Anonymous said...

Sou,

are you talking of Tony? Please respect people working hard every day with computers.

"Some of you who have corresponded with me lately may have noticed that I have been brief with my responses. You may also have noticed a number of spelling and grammatical errors in recent WUWT blog postings. This is due to the fact that after over five years of blog posting, I have succumbed to a problem that plagues many people who use the computer too often -carpal tunnel syndrome."
(http://wattsupwiththat.com/2012/06/26/wuwt-status-report/)

Capo

EliRabett said...

"A nasty-looking BUNNY, brandishing a bloody axe, blocks all passages out of the room."

Lionel A said...

Eats axes. Burp! That was tasty.

Now for those bunnies.

Damn it! Too quick for me!

Winds up hovering from the deckhead (sorry ceiling for the non nautical) because unable to reach head.

Better Google quick for a way out.

Darn it. That clever Google means I only see my own biases and cannot find a way out.

Sticks head back in sand.

chek said...

Pulls head out of sand.

Says to self "Keep calm. I'm sure that with a bit of application one weekend's solid cramming can be made to look like $88K's worth of work. Joe B need never know, and wouldn't know the difference anyway. Must get Stevie in for some stats chops - he'll back me up.

Emails Stevie....

Anonymous said...

The Duke of Deniers

who here believes that fax machines still have use?

who here believes that fax machines are an antiquated, inefficient system and should not be used anymore.

Yes, this is a test.

David B. Benson said...

> eat paper.

Anonymous said...

Dr. Lumpus Spookytooth, phd.

Speaking of stupid studies, lets not forget that a fellow alarmist group recently released a joke of a press release about 2012 being the worse drought of the 21st century.

The bad bites both ways gentlemen.

Anonymous said...

Dr. Lumpus Spookytooth, phd.

@eli

and o ho ho ho ho by the way! Look what the good doctor found!

http://climateaudit.org/

I demand an explanation from the big carrot himself as to why the bolded sentence in the zero order draft was removed from the first order draft?

Your side is actively supressing historical data, so explain to all us stupid skeptics why 900-1300 doesn't matter.

The facts are precisely like John Christy said "it is scientifically more accurate to say that this is what Mother Nature looks like, since events even worse than these have happened in the past before greenhouse gases were increasing like they are today."

If we were to compare recent weather events to the historical record, we can find a worse event in almost every single example.

J Bowers said...

Spookytooth needs to scroll down the comments. As we've seen over the past few days, McI is not infallible.

Jeffrey Davis said...

Dr. Lumpus Spookytooth, phd.

-Brutus killed Julius Caesar. Therefore Lee Harvey Oswald couldn't have killed Kennedy.

Sou said...

Are Spookytooth and McI and Pielke Jr arguing that nothing should be done to reduce carbon pollution until the USA has been drought-stricken for 100 years?

Back to Climate Zork:

>See the slit in the wall...
No. Oh wait, a sliver of light is showing through.

>Crack it open and let in the light Watts is saved from the Grue

Ah - There is "Stellar Christy". There is no greenhouse effect in the USA! Christ(y) said as much, therefore it must be true. Further, we'd be grossly irresponsible and selfish not to burn more fossil fuel. We must pollute the world for the sake of the starving masses in Africa or wherever they live. Like, we really care, man!

>Progress to next scene...

EliRabett said...

Eli has sworn off agitating bags of wind for giggles. It is not seemly in a senior bunny (at least that is what Ms. Rabett tells Eli and she packs a good punch)

dhogaza said...

"We must pollute the world for the sake of the starving masses in Africa or wherever they live. Like, we really care, man!"

In Christy's defense, he started out as a pastor in the southern baptist church and got his doctorate and started studying climate later, because of a deep-seated interest in meteorology.

And he's done missionary work in Africa.

So I think that he really *does* care, and does believe that growth through the use of fossil fuels is necessary for Africa's economic betterment.

Sou said...

It is not seemly in a senior bunny

Ms Rabett is very wise and completely correct. But the carrot was hard to resist when handed on such an enticing plate.

Even senior bunnies need to let their hare down from time to time :)

(Aaaagh! Such awful puns from this ageing bun!)

John said...

(Further instruction to Anthony Watts)

>When in Washington DC, do not drive your car. Instead take the subway, it's more environmentally responsible.

Is it really better?

>That's why the subway is called
Rabett Transit!

John said...

The bunnies at Rabett Run issue an earnest plea to the public to learn the reason behind the devastating drought in the US.

>Global warming is real, and humanity is causing it.

Really? Well, the drought is pretty scarey.

>Very scary.

How scary is it?

>Utterly Hare-Raising!!

Sou said...

I wrote: You want to get on with your next job of sending frivolous FOI requests to real scientists, but people keep interrupting, sending you emails asking for your data.

Prescience?

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EliRabett said...

Eli calls for a vote, do the bunnies want to keep this spam or terminate with extreme predjudice?

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