Monday, October 31, 2011

Trick or Treat

Contact: PPFA Media Office, 212-261-xxxx

Thinking About Having Sex with a Vampire This Halloween?

Planned Parenthood Is Here to Help

Let’s face it: vampires can rack up a lot of sexual partners over the years. Your vampire might be the same age as you, or she or he might be thousands of years old. But no matter how old you are, if you’re going to jump into bed with a vampire, you’re going to need more than a clove of garlic to protect your health.

Here are some things to think about before you enter into a sexual relationship with a vampire:

Vampires might be immortal, but you’re not. It’s important for both vampires and humans to get tested for STDs. Use this tool to find out if you should get tested for STDs.

Ladies, just because a vampire says he can’t get you pregnant*, it doesn’t mean he can’t give you an STD. And guys, just because a vampire says she’s on the pill, it doesn’t mean that you can’t get an STD. Use a condom correctly every time.

Don’t wait until you’re in the heat of the moment to bring up safer sex. Vampires have been known to “glamour” people to get their way, so play it safe and make it clear that you won’t have sex without protection right from the start.

Remember, a vampire who doesn’t care about protecting your health is not the kind of vampire that you want to get involved with. Not sure if you’re dating the right vampire? We can help you figure it out.

* Let’s not forget, Edward got Bella pregnant in the Twilight series, going against hundreds of years of vampire lore. So even if your vampire tells you he can’t get you pregnant, why risk it? Condoms are not only a great way to prevent STDs, they’re effective at preventing pregnancy. Even better, use a condom along with another birth control method.
Ms. Rabett says always use protection. The bunnies are. . .


Anonymous said...

Reminds me of an old movie...Rosemary's Baby. Directed by Roman Polanski. Later he directed "Close Encounters with the Third Grade."

Former Skeptic said...

One year ago I put my scary Tom Fuller costume on.

This year, I tried my Richard Muller outfit...but the kids were scared by the giant knife on my back signed by "A.Watts". Ah well.

Hank Roberts said...

repeating, briefer, to avoid the spamtrap:

David B. Benson said...

Did Eli dress up as one of the Three Mousketeers for Halloween?

Anonymous said...

Pretty sure I am dating the right vampire. We haven't had any sex at all yet. Everything imaginary. I am safe

Anonymous said...

Dear Anonymous.

You claim to be "safe" because no sex?


I think you're really MARRIED!

Another anonymous

Anonymous said...

That's right " another anonymous ", so how would you solve the dilemma. E
Married equals no sex or imaginary one. Unmarried equals unsafe sex with weird vampires... Which one did you choose?. Maybe we can set up a blind date and get to know each other.....HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

Holly Stick said...

Hey you two, get a crypt!

Anonymous said...

Bunnies will be bunnies and mice will be mice.

Whatever happened to those WWII GI flicks? ‘Ya know the ones with the hot dogs that had been on the grill too long? Oh yeah I forgot nobody worries much a clap anymore (despite developing antibiotic resistance).

Seems like *lots* of folks have learned to live with HSV despite the discomfort, and a similar statement can be made about HIV (although “lots” is less and “discomfort” is a gross understatement). Some good news on the HPV front but not good enough to leave the raincoat at home.

Don’t be a sucker for a vampire.

arch stanton

Holly Stick said...

Did someone mention polar bears? Well, then, I will:

Martin Vermeer said...

"He replied that he would [take polygraph test] but only if the agent interviewing him did the same."