Wednesday, November 26, 2008

The Church of Global Cooling

Eli early recognized the inverse correlation between global warming and the number of pirates. Clearly this was a gift of the Flying Spaghetti Monster to mankind. Recently a Lovely new idea has arisen, that global cooling always occurs where Al Gore speaks, since Al usually speaks all over this planet and not too often from L3, this at least the abscissa seems reasonable. Numerous apostates have been busily testing this new theory and a companion yet expressing some dissatisfaction: Joe Romm (worse than amateur) and Dave Roberts (jaw-droppingly moronic) and Tim Lambert and Wonkroom (toxic stupidy) being the few reactions Eli would expose the bunnies to.

UPDATE: Politico publishes a letter from Russ Walker and David Roberts and explains themselves

Giving voice to the losing side of a national debate is often fraught with peril. It requires navigating a terrain littered with grudges, slights, insults and hard feelings.

To do that without becoming ensnared requires extraordinary care. In Politico’s case, we slipped.

The article in question was never intended to offer a sweeping examination of the scientific support for or against climate change.

It set out only to provide an update on the last hold-outs against global warming given the dramatic shifts — both electorally and in public opinion — against their position.

Politico found them still feisty and readying for a fight despite their diminishing odds.

That’s the part we got right.

Here’s where we slipped: The headline overstated what was in the story. That’s a chronic problem in the industry that might have been mitigated if the article had plainly stated its narrow intent, which it didn’t. It also should have included the challenges to the cited scientific data.
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However, on behalf of his good buddy, the Flying Spaghetti Monster who originally discovered the relationship (and has a much nicer graphic), Rabbi Rabett would like to point out that the recent upsurge in piracy (~80 events involving several pirates each) off Somalia reaffirms the original hypothesis as can be seen in the graphic below. This disproves Ken's lemma that
Some denialists dispute the reduction in number of pirates theory of global warming, claiming that pirate numbers have increased, not realising that criminals in speedboats using automatic weapons are not pirates. Pirates are characterised by sailing ships and carrying cutlasses. Hooks instead of hands and parrots are optional.
James had it right
Suggesting that Global Warming is caused by anything other than the decline in Pirates is HERESY against the FLYING SPAGHETTI MONSTER and you will be BURNED. Only FSM-ism can explain the recent decline in global warming - it's due to the escalation of PIRACY in SOMALIA. You can't ARGUE with the FACTS.

UPDATE: The IPCC (International Pirate Climate Council) points out that there may be many more pirates than Eli thought, a couple of thousand or so, although various Bayesean's suggest that the ignorant prior should be that everyone is a pirate, at least those on Wall Street and we have our doubts about Detroit. Thus, Rabett Labs has ammended our graph above, however this means that the global warming sensitivity to climate is now in doubt.

Also the Bunnysoft Program team comments (see Eli told you to read the comments):
It's all related to an increase in "R".

As pirates increase, so does "R" (also sometimes spelled "Arrr") and as "R" increases, so does the correlation between pirates and global warming (and pirates and everything else, for that matter)

Everyone who visits Anthony watts' site understands this.
Genuflect and pass the grated romano.

10 comments:

Anonymous said...

It's all related to an increase in "R".

As pirates increase, so does "R" (also sometimes spelled "Arrr") and as "R" increases, so does the correlation between pirates and global warming (and pirates and everything else, for that matter)

Everyone who visits Anthony watts' site understands this.

Magnus W said...

I think we are heading for a tipping point... this could be serious.

Usually when the ice starts to melt of our big scary oceans we see an increase in boat traffic mainly trade which lead to an increase in piracy... and pirates. This regulates the world climate and stooped the Medieval Warm Period... since this regulatory system seams to be out of play I think we could be heading for Arrmageddon.

dko said...

Looking at the graph, I can see that the number of pirates CLEARLY lags global temperature.

-dko

Anonymous said...

Aaaar, an errant apostrophe - keelhaul the bunny and lash him to the mizzenmast

Cap'n Bay Zeehan

EliRabett said...

Line forms to the left. Eli has been out pissing a number of folk off for Thanksgiving.

llewelly said...

I'd like to add to that Al Gore was clearly not around during the last ice age. However, pirates clearly were. Doubt me? Go look at a picture of a mammoth. See all that scraggly hair? Definitely a pirate. Note the two ivory cutlasses - sometimes over 10 feet long! Furthermore - a mammoth has a tentacle, clearly indicating its deference to the FSM. Finally - the skull of a mammoth is dominated by a single large hole near the front center. This hole represents the traditional single eye of pirates (the other having been lost in combat, sacrificed to the FSM, or traded for good rum).

Coeruleus said...

I do believe you are seriously missing the point, which is:

AL GORE IS FAT!

Hank Roberts said...

Thank you Dr. Rabett, for everything you've written that's helped me understand physics with very little math, from the early Usenet days (text postings that still pop up when I go searching for answers) on through your work in your current incarnation.

Barton Paul Levenson said...

Whenever anyone mentions the Flying Spaghetti Monster, I stop listening to them. It's possibly the most juvenile, stupid, annoying joke in the whole realm of theological and antitheological discourse. "It's flying... it's a monster... and it's SPAGHETTI!!! Get it? Get it? Ha ha ha ha ha!"

Hank Roberts said...

Ah, I've figured it out.

There's been a recent increase in piracy, both off Somalia and on Wall Street. That explains the current slight appearance of a hiccup in annual temperature measurements.

Re theology, I believe the idea was to illustrate the old method -- tossing all available explanations at a wall to see if any of them would stick.