Why doesn't your sock puppet have a Safeway card?

Shopping in the US requires an affinity card, or whatever those annoying things that they ask for at the checkout to give you the discounts they advertise are. We know they are selling the information along with the data they gather on our shopping habits. Lucky for us, when you sign up for the things they don't ask for ID, so Eli Rabett has a full compliment of supermarket/drug store discount cards. Sign your sock puppet up today. The only downside is that you have to pay cash when you use the card so they can't back track.