Friday, November 29, 2013

If you have too much time on your hands

after battling the Black Friday crowds, or are simply sitting in the emergency room waiting for word on your loved one trampled at Walmart, read the Amazon reviews for the Denon AKDL1 ethernet cable

2,455 of 2,533 people found the following review helpful
By Daniel A. Koblosh TOP 1000 REVIEWER on June 16, 2008
After I took delivery of my $500 Denon AKDL1 Cat-5 uber-cable, Al Gore was mysteriously drawn to my home, where he pronounced that Global Warming had been suspended in my vicinity.

Yes, I had perfect weather: no flooding, no tornadoes, the exact amount of rain necessary, and he pronounced sea levels exactly right and that they were not going to rise within five miles of my house.

Additionally, my cars began achieving 200 mpg and I didn't even need gasoline. I was able to put three grams of cat litter into the tank and drive forever.

What's more, the atmosphere inside my home became 93% oxygen and virtually no carbon dioxide. In fact, I now exhale oxygen.

One heck of a cable.

Didn't notice any improvement in audio quality though.

The $800 Apple iCable is clearly superior.
Eli Rabett neither endorses nor recommends this product.


willard said...

George to the rescue:


The minute I plugged this cable in, I knew something was amiss. The first evidence? The small wormhole that appeared in our living room, right next to our holstein cowhide recliner. Peering into it I could discern the snarling face of a Ferengi, likely somewhere out in the Gamma quadrant.

Then things got really hairy. Brad shouted from the kitchen that he was detecting elevated tachyon levels from our Vita-Mix, so we immediately diverted power to our forward Romco Rotisserie array. Set it and forget it, indeed.

Still no go. The wormhole continued to grow. So I did what anyone in this rather awkward situation would. I recalibrated our George Foreman Grill (about 10 picometers), ejected the warp core from our Dyson Ball Vac, and unplugged all the Magic Jacks in the house. Bingo. No more worm hole.

I guess what I'm saying is that you can use this cable, but only if you have substantial Star Fleet training.

Rattus Norvegicus said...

The funny thing is that this review is not that far from what you might read in an actual cable review on a real audiophile website. They tend towards angels dancing in the room instead of Al Gore, but still....


willard will find the cable works perfectly if he follows the example of Willard Watts.

Whenever your system of the world is threatened by a high amperage argument, force one end of the Denon cable into your left ear and the other into your right until > 60 db isolation of Bayseian priors is attained.

Anonymous said...

Folks, here is Eli keeping Mann, Schmidt, Jones, Trenberth and others focused on the mendacious IPCC message.

EliRabett said...

Better music, no ads:)

Chris_Winter said...

But what's really remarkable is that people who viewed this Denon product seem to be interested in methods of avoiding huge ships while searching for uranium ore and wearing a horse-head mask as a disguise.

Hank Roberts said...

Another useful use of copious free time is studying rebunkery, ably done, for example, here: